ZL-5【优妈妈英语专栏】浅谈英语写作课（1）

随着英语教学的普及程度提高，英语本土化写作已经成为每个学习英语的孩子的必选项。可是，市面上林林总总的写作模式让那些本身就选择综合症的家长又找不到标准和方向感。毕竟我们的孩子不是本土长大的，我们孩子的父母也不是本土长大的，写成啥样才算符合标准呢？孩子的写作怎样才算有所提高了呢？我们心中充满了猜疑和困惑。

好吧，我这人写文章从来就是摆事实讲道理，要不然让我空讲道理，总怕有说教嫌疑，而且也空洞，所以咱们先看看下面这个，我百度搜索来的范文。

I am Tony. I have a computer. I have a new friend. His name is Jack. He is 12 years old. He is a student. He likes surfing the net. We often talk with each other in the chat room. We talk in English. My English is good now. He is a good boy. I like him very much. Do you want to have a net friend?

然后你回家看看孩子的英语小文章，是不是和这个很像，如果长得像，就是典型学校教育培养出的chinglish标准啦，恭喜你，成为标准的内容空洞没创意，用词太common没特色的坏典型。。。千万别认为我在嘲笑你，我只是忍不住因为自己说了这句话感到好笑。

OK, 无论如何有点英语造诣，或者有过一些阅读量的孩子会写成下面这个样子：

My father likes to drink some juice on the beach. Sunshine, sea, beach and spa make up a beautiful picture. And he likes to row a boat in the sea. He thinks it is romantic.

My mother likes to travel in some cities. She walks on wide streets and goes shopping in some shops. If she’s tired, she can sit on a bench. She thinks it is very nice.

I like to play in farms because there are lots of animals. I like riding horses and playing with dogs. The cows in the farms can make a lot of milk. It is very delicious and healthy. A farmer is funny. He can tell jokes very well. “Ha, ha, ha…” We often laugh a lot.

Beach, city and farm. Which one do you like best?

Yesterday, my father, my mother and I played hide-and-seek with my little brother, Tom.

When Tom has counted for two minutes, he began to look for us. My mother was behind a car. But her iPhone in her polka dots briefcase rang. So Tom saw her. My father was next to my mother. And Tom saw him, too.

How about me? I put on a black and green striped coat and green gloves. I sat down in a watermelon farm to make myself look like a watermelon.

Little Tom couldn’t see me. He walked to the watermelon farm. I thought he could easily see me because I was bigger. Suddenly, I had an idea. I bumped my yellow shoes to a tree. Tom heard that voice. He ran to the tree. When Tom saw they were just my shoes, he was angry! And I ran away quickly.

优妈的点评：文中出现了一定的基础词汇，而且表达更有新意，用词也更加精确。亮点在创意比较新颖，名词，形容词使用更加精确。Delicious, hide-and-seek, briefcase, striped。还有小部分动词的使用有一定灵活性row, bump。体现了孩子有一定的词汇量，能在写作中精确输出。

但是但是，下面这篇是不是看起来更靓？

Pirate Ship 2. Adventures in Neverland.

My Journey on a Pirate Ship 2. Adventures in Neverland（2015.09.20）

After about 15 minutes, we finally got in Neverland. It's a huge island where the birds are singing, and the trees are dancing. They really make us happy and don't want to get out. Then Captain Hook says, "Don't trust the birds and the trees. They are just magical things. They're cursed by Peter Pan. They do not look like this at all. Pan just wants to keep the kids here. ""So you really are a pirate?" I ask, "But if you are. Why do you rob things instead of helping kids?" "Well. I used to. "Hook says sadly, "But then something bad happened. "Hook drinks some tea and starts talking, "I had an older brother before. One day, we come here, Neverland, to rob things. Although we have heard about how wonderful Neverland is, we didn't find any treasure. We were thirsty and hungry. Then a kind looking boy came out of the woods and said that he'd like to help us. We were surprised and asked where the treasures are. The boy told us that there is no treasure. He said that he has been living here for years. My kind brother believed him. I thought the boy was weird, so I asked, 'Why don't you leave? "He said that he wants to help people getting out. He also told us that Neverland land is dark. He said that there is only two ways to get out: Get the password from the Dark King of Neverland, or drink the magic waterfall's water. So he led us to the waterfall. My brother drank the water. Then the boy laughed in a creepy voice, then he said that the one who drank the water must stay in Neverland for his whole life. We found out that we have been tricked by the boy whose name is Peter Pan. He killed my dear brother! I am lucky to escape because I didn’t drink the water. From then on, I promised to take my revenge and save the kids! "

这是我们Wonderkids写作课一个孩子的一篇创意作文。很有意思吧？大改彼得潘和胡克船长的恩仇史。创意只是其中一个亮点，更多的亮点来自于对于从句的意识，句型句式更丰富而且复杂。连词的排布和使用让整个故事情节看起来紧凑而且符合逻辑。其中的动词使用也很丰富，curse, be tricked, take revenge.这篇显然又进了一个层级，在表达上比上篇更加成熟且native一点。

OK，那我们还要不要看下面这篇，优妈认为在词汇量，动词使用，句型句式上都非常不错的小作文练笔呢？来吧，我们来看看，这样的文章到底长啥样。

Spreading the Word

The tiger queen needed a kind, wise and patriotic leader to protect the forest. The word was spread over the forest. She asked for her suitor, “Who do you think is a proper candidate?” The suitor said, “I know a guy who’s proper. He is the chef of the cat palace.” The tiger queen was so aghast, but she trusted her love. So she walked into the kitchen of the cat palace. The nice aroma of the food was so good that the queen licked her chops. The chef was afraid that the queen had some problems with him. He said with a stammer sound, “May I I I hel ll p yoo uu, qu uu een?” “We need you to be a candidate of the minister,”the tiger queen said. But everyone heard about it, a man strutted in and he wanted to be the second candidate. After the man, the third candidate was a worm, which crept up......

The voting place where the minister would be voted had the scent of gunpowder. After all the candidates arrived, the voting began. Lots of animals voted for the cat. One of the voters who voted for the cat, a bird called Birdeez Dernetes Certes said,“I vote for the cat because he’s kind and he never ate birds. I once saw a cat that tried to eat a bird, and he stopped it and saved the bird.”The bird’s words really made the man worry because he also wanted to be the minister too. Then he had an idea. He asked the cat, “What is the biggest animal in the forest?” The cat said, “They must be elephants.” That man said with mock anger, “The biggest animal in the forest is the tiger queen! You don’t respect the tiger queen! You can’t be the minister!”One bird warbled, “The human is boorish! I once saw him sit down daintily and pretend to listen to the cat, but he was stealing the cat’s wallet!” The man was so furious, and he lost his temper. He picked up a stick and killed the bird. He escaped the voting place. The tiger queen was shocked. She forced the animals to take action to seize the man. At last the cat became the minister.

优妈点评：用词精确，patriotic, candidate, suitor, stammer, crept up, mock,warble, daintily这些词都非常的生动，就像一副生动的场面在你面前展开。我们经常在国外教材中看到写作需要有能力：visualize，所谓visualize就是指的如何让文字变得形象化，生动，精确。Cat的正直善良，男人的虚伪，狡诈。如果不是靠原版的平时积累，外加平时多加操练，这些词不可能跃然纸上。

写作在我看来一直是高大上的一门技术活，很多人因为是外行，英语最多学校这点，自己做父母也从来不沾原版，拿到原版，能用查字典的方式看完就了不起了，更不用说分辨和体会原版著作在选词和表达手法上的差异了。跑到机构，也就是看点表面功夫，课程是否丰富啊？老外有没有？有没有作业的啊，要写的哦。说实话，机构不忽悠你忽悠谁？傻子的钱是easy money，你不具备能力监督机构，你怪谁？能怪别人忽悠你吗？忽悠你也白忽悠。

其实人傻钱多不管事的父母还真的不是最下品的。我至今想起一个知乎上的故事，如何看待大妈对性教育工作者泼粪这个事件？有个很牛的知乎回复答：人蠢又有责任心。没错，人蠢又有责任心，还不断要干涉教育，觉得自己的表面功夫才有道理。如果靠你这点表面功夫能换回有些内行经过十多年积累的真功夫，这个世界必然大乱了，知识分子也不会受到尊重了。毕竟深入去学点东西，人蠢还真不行。

所以这篇文章，我的受众对象就希望是这种只会表面功夫，人蠢又有责任心的家长。你看不明白，就找个内行来看看，但是自己就别瞎掺合了。

今天先给大家普及如何鉴别英语文章好坏，明天再好好讨论，英语写作课该如何开展。Wonderkids 使用教材是write source，请没听说过的家长自行脑补一下再来。

上述内容是优妈妈原创，不经优妈妈同意，不得转载。

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